


Psychopathic

by destieldestieldestiel (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-02-26 09:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2647187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/destieldestieldestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester came to Boston to visit his internet friend Castiel Novak to discover a twist that will threaten his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Texas, Kansas 11/2/2013

 **It** was 3 at the morning, Dean Winchester had to wake up early to catch his flight at 5 am to Boston. Dean was a somewhat tall man around the age of 19 blonde ruffled hair with green eyes and natural pink lips. He originally needed to take the plane to visit his brother Sam Winchester but he took the opportunity to visit one of his friends that he met online his name was Castiel Novak he always had a thing for Cas, but never felt any courage to do anything about it he thought maybe if the chances  weren't cruel he would be able to do it face to face and simply come forward about his feelings, but he still never felt quite brave enough.

 

massachusetts, Boston 11/2/2013

 

Castiel Novak an average heighted college dropout at the age of 19. he was a handsom man with black hair, tan skin killer jawline , and ,sea like blue eyes. Alll the girls back then at his college days defntialy had certain crushes on him he knew about them he just never had the felt like it was the right time to come out with his sexuality to them. After his parents Marie and Daryl Novak had died in a car accident last year he decided to drop out and live out his live on the money his parents left him. Considering  they were quite rich and he had no relatives or any family at all in Boston all their belongings had gone to him. He was just getting ready for his friend Dean Winchester to arrive, he met Dean online 2 years ago over facebook, he remembered the way they met they were both commenting on one of the posts the game of thrones official facebook page posted they both replied with who they think would win and yada yada yada they both had come to the unexpected agreement that it will quite possibly be Daeneyrs Targaryan. She had as much as three dragons and no one stood a chance against that not even the lannisters with all their high and mighty power, but Dean stilll thinks Jon Snow might have a chance, but Cas knew it was possibly because Dean thought Jon was hot. He has specifically asked his servants not to cook anything, and to close all door rooms leading to the basement, no one quite knew what Cas did in there he would spend hours if not days down there his servants were always curious that room always had a stinky smell whenever you passed near its door, they assumed he was on drugs but the police already checked, there was no drugs down there after a while they just left it be to whatever it was he did down there. Cas slipped into a pair pf pajamas and went to bed he let his thoughts wander on and about until the last thought that was on his mind was him picturing Dean Winchester just like he did every night of every day before he went to sleep, he closed his eyes and was out like a light.

 

Texas Kansas, airport, 11/2/2013

He looked at his watch for the third time but the time still hasn't changed one bit its 4:30 AM he was sleepy grumpy and if there was one thing on his mind it was that he would kill for a nap as he waited for a full half hour to meet his friend and his brother in less than 5 hours, he had previously told Sam he was staying at Cas's house and that he is welcomed to join anytime he wants Cas's house was huge and had a beautiful view of the city you could spend hours up there and never stop looking out the view. As he slowly slipped away to sleep the flight attendant was calling his flights name, so he quickly gets up ruffles his hair a bit takes a deep breath and readies himself for the possible best week of his life.


	2. meeting

Massachusetts, boston 11/2/2013

 **He** was  asleep while listening to his Metallica music on full volume. In rather than a blink of an eye he got shaken awake by one of flight attendants he managed to catch on her name tag her name was Laurie. rubbed his eyes got up ,and someones pillow fell on his face 

"what the hell!" Dean muttered still half aslee

"sorry, thats mine." the flight attendant Laurie apologized.

" I thought you were the flight attendant." Dean said confused,  were flight attendants allowed to put their stuff with guest stuff? He wasn't sure ,but didn't really mind.

" i am not i spelled juice on my shirt and one of the flight attendants with the same name as me lent me her shirt."Laurie laughed, she needed to throw him off.

" ohhh well nice meeting you , Laurie ? but got to go see ya around hopefully." Dean smiled at her then walked away.

Laurie smiled "you are up to a hard week Dean Winchester" she muttered under her breath ,and laughed as she threw the pillow away walking out of the plane exit.

Dean got his small case, and went on his way. He enjoyed talking to Laurie but his brother was probably waiting for him right now . He walked through the hall, and into the fligh exit. The metal detector rang as he went through since he forgot to take his metal watch off, which made him even later and made him feel stupid, he apologized to the guard then walked away. He could spot his brother from the distance. Dean waved at him and Sam waved back. Dean was glad to see him he hasn't seen him since Sam moved to High school in Boston due to a student exchange program.  
Sam and Dean both pulled each other in for a long hug and let go

" long time no see?" Sam said smiling bright

"it  has been too long Sammy" Dean said with certain sense of missing in his voice 

" i thought you stopped calling me that when we were six" Sam muttered , and laughed. 

Dean laughed at that he knew calling Sam Sammy was the one thing he held on to since childhood.They finally reached Sam's car and Dean called shot gun he was too tired to actually drive. He pulled over the seat belt over his chest really fast he was still used to his rusty impala and he must admit. he missed that old rusty car here. Sam turned on some shitty pop music he liked but, Dean hated in the car ride but otherwise the ride was silent, other than Dean occasionally giving directions to sam on where Cas's house exactly is.

 

*****

 

Cas had just wore his favorite band shirt he wanted to impress Dean as much as he could he wanted Dean to know that he wasnt as boring as everyone thinks he is, though he doubted Dean thought that.  Cas never cared what people thought of him but thats Dean. His one ultimate crush for two years it felt like such an obligation to impress him and maybe Dean will then feel the same way too. he already checked a thousand times the basement door was locked the maids and butlers sprayed a thousand air scent conditioners all around the house he ordered burgers from Dean's favorite place and recorded the season 2 game of thrones finale because he knew it was Dean's favorite, and then when he passed by one of the mirrors in his way back to his room something caught a glimpse in his eye, the basement door was now open though he could have sworn just 10 minutes ago it was closed.

 

********* 

Dean got off Sam's car and waved goodbye at him. Dean was surprised by how big Cas's house is, it was all light sky blue, and a huge garden surrounding it there could easily be at least 50 rooms inside that thing. He took a deep breath and stepped to the gates and rang the doorbell. There was no sound made so Dean thought it must be one of the auto gate open thing rich people had in less than a minute Cas was already on his feet to the gates.

" so,, do you think you could open the gates so i could come in or will i have to search for another rich brat's house" Dean called out when he spotted Cas in the distance

" i am actually kind of enjoying this" Cas smirked towards Dean ,and crossed his hands.

"let me in cas" Dean sighed he was tired.

" you didn't say please" Cas said with a smile still all over him

"Cas"

 

"Dean"

 

"can you open the door now PLEASE" Dean said sighing again

" now thats more like it" Cas said as he pulled out a key , then unlocked the gates to allow Dean in.

 As soon as Dean put his suitcase aside he hugged cas. They both never felt more safe outside each others arms. cas showed dean in inside and ordered one of the butlers to take his stuff to the room Dean's staying in. they were both very happy with them finally meeting after two years of waiting saving up and working so hard he finally met him. he finally met cas.


	3. 10 seconds

"you told me we are gonna watch lame stuff you like now" Dean said taking a bite off his third burger

 Cas's house was certainly as beautiful as it is in the inside as it is in the outside, there were lots of paintings, and pictures of Cas's parents everywhere. every few moments or so he would catch cas staring at one of the pictures lost in his own world he wished he could say the right thing to help him.

"its not lame if i like it dean" Cas said jokingly.

after they watched the s2 finale it was time for cas to choose what to watch again ,so he chose some lame action movie Dean barely paid any attention tp at all to. Cas didnt pay attention either, he was still staring at one of the pictures of him at the age of 4 with both his parent. Cas always spoke about how much he missed them, Dean understood. his mother died when he was barely 4,, house fire Sam was just a baby. Their father always blamed the both of them for it so eventually they moved out when Dean was barely 16 and left their father in their drunken mess all alone, they never called he never called but sometimes their uncle bobby would tell them what's going on with their father apparently he's been sober since they left but that never got them back. Sam and Dean were done. Its been 10 minutes and Dean was getting a bit worried about Cas, so he grabbed the remote turned the tv off. 

"what was that for!? its my turn!" Cas said snapping back to reality.

" you've been staring at the pic for 10 minutes Cas" Dean was worried.

"what no i havent,,, i was staring at the clock" Cas knew it was stupid to say that their was no clock where he was looking towards.

" the clock is the other side of the room" Dean raised an eyebrow

" look i am sorry i just need some time" Cas had rested the weight of his head in the palms of his hands.

dean sighed this time.

" Cas its been a year its , hard but you wont go to any therapists you wont talk to me about it.." he walked up ,and sat next to Cas putting an arm around Cas. it was a sign of comforting.

"i am sorry" Cas muttered looking down.

"Cas you cant keep just apologizing you need me to-"

without any second thoughts Cas cupped Dean's face ,and kissed him. Dean was astonished ,and Cas was trembling in fear now whatever bit of bravery he had disappeared to thin air. He can kill people in less than seconds, but coming out to his one true love was suddenly too hard.

"you need me to um i" Dean stuttering in nervousness was a problem in his opinion 

" i dont need any thing ,but this from you Dean you've already given me everything i know you were lying about having a week off college I know you simply skipped a week for me" Cas said looking into Dean's eyes.

" and Sam" Dean grinned

"and Sam" Cas nervoulsly chuckled looking away. _awkward_ he thought

Dean took a deep breath it was his first time to ever kiss a boy.

"i am gonna go to bed" Dean announced.

Cas nodded then laid on the couch right taking up the space were Dean sat ,before he left. he was lost in his own world again.

Dean is making his way to his room, the maid that lead him there showed him around, and most importantly where not to go she pointed at the basement in particular, and told dean not to go there because thats " _Mister Novak's lab_ " she was utterly serious about the subject ,so Dean didn't even think about it. He spent the whole evening ,and afternoon with Cas it was now 8 PM he was very tired.

********

 

he took off his clothes ,and laid in bed with his boxers only. Dean was still thinking about Cas kissing him how good it felt ,what the consequences could be. eventually it was his last very image before he went to a deep jet lagged sleep.

 

Cas couldnt take it anymore he needed anything, anyone to kill ,but he couldn't do it with dean around, unless he was careful. He ran his way through almost 20 feet steps laughing so loudly down the basemen. He never felt happier it was his thing. the moment he opened the light to the underground room the whole place showed its terrors all around. 4 bodies,2 homeless drunks with slit throats mercifully killed he considered so. 2 bodies still alive under the influence of chloroform he grabbed his knife from beside the stairs and noticed one of them was beginning to wake he walked over to the body and unzipped the case there was a girl about 25 of age also homeless and drunk she was crying.

  
"please please let me go please"  
Cas smiled at her remark

"shhhh it'll all be over soon just 10 seconds and a half i swear it i swear it" Cas said to his yet to be victim.

she was screaming, but her whole body was numb as he carved the knife into her chest she screamed louder.

  
"5 seconds left" he muttered happily.

 he grabbed the dull knife ,and sank it in her throat , until her screams tore out. He was covered with blood.He was laughing as he ripped the life out of her.


	4. wedding

 

Each droplet of water that ran down his body came out red the water was hot he was still smiling. Cas hasnt done it in three weeks promised not to kill anyone with Dean around but he was careful he buried the body with the rest cleaned his "lab" and now he was taking a shower to take the blood and sweat out. he slowly moved his hands through his hair until every bit was clean. He was invited to his friends Cecily's wedding today even though her mother was bitter she didnt get any money after his parents died, and cut all conections with him in his time of grief she was decent enough to invite him, though he was very sure it was cecily who pushed her to do it. He and cecily dated in highschool, had sex but it all ended when they both got into college he was glad to know she moved on, because he did. Cas even thought of bringing Dean with him and finally come out with his true sexuality to whatever family he even had left anymore. Cas stepped out of the shower, and nearily slipped on an unsuspected puddle of water he cussed under his breath and grabbed a towel to cover his wet body and went back into his room to change. 

 

Dean woke up screaming, he always had nightmares Cas didn't know about them. Before he went to bed last night he locked the door, and now there was a knock. He looked like an utter mess his hair was messy his sheets were ruffled he was really sweaty. the door knocked again it was Cas. He was calling out for him Dean got up and opened the door, cas was wearing nothing but jeans. 

"why were you screaming did ?something happen ?are you ok ?" Cas very alarmed stood at the door.

"someone's feeling a bit overprotective" Dean opened the door wider to let Cas in "come in"

" i am only in jeans" Cas grinned ,but otherwise was still sort of worried.

" oh so now you dont want to be half naked in front of me, shut up ill lend you a shirt" he moved out of the way 

he laughed ,but Cas looked  genuinely worried. Cas sat on the tip of the bed and signaled Dean to come next to him. he sat down they were very close and very silent. 

" i had another nightmare" Dean burrier his face in the fists of his palms as the nightmare sank back again into his memory.

 

" what was it about?" Cas looked towards Dean

" i cant tell you" his voice was low ,and afraid

" you know you can tell me anything right ? we are sort of together now and all.." Cas wanted to go on ,but was interrupted by Dean

" id rather us not talk about it" Dean said as Cas wiped the sweat off Dean's forehead with a tissue ,and smiled

he grabbed Cas and kissed him on the lip, Cas lift him up to the wall ,but pulled away from dean's lips for a bit.

" i almsot forgot we are invited to a wedding in like 30 minutes" Cas said in a low voice they were only inches apar from each others lip

" who has a wedding in 2:30 in the afternoon" Dean was teasing castiel's lips

"dont know,dont care at the moment"

Cas kissed Dean ,and let him down on the ground again he was much shorter than Dean ,but he was strong for a small skinny guy so was Dean though he was more muscular. 

"its my friends wedding ill lend you a tuxedo we can go with matching tuxedos" Cas took a step back.

"are we really gonna be that kind of couple" Dean chuckled at how cringey the thought was.

" fine since you are so ungrateful for my wonderful queerbating ill lend you my black tuxedo ill wear the dark blue one with stripes yours is already in the closet" Cas said as he kissed Dean a light kiss on the cheek ,and walked out of the room.

Dean ruffled his hair with an idiotic smile on his lips he closed the door and got into his tuxedo. as he was changing he noticed a small keychain on the floor and half of it was dripping in blood. Dean was puzzled.

 

 

Cas was walking down the hallway shirtless back to his room the maids and butlers were very used to it somedays if he truly felt that lazy he would walk around in boxers, but his newest maid Laurie was staring at him. she came in the same day Dean did. She had big dreams they didnt work out here, now she doesnt have any money left to go back home. Cas promised he'd pay her handsomly if she did her job well for the next month at tops. He didnt want to delay her from her family even ,though Cas hasnt seen his family in a year and today is gonna be the first time. He reached his room and forgot he locked it he reached the key from his back pocket but it wasnt there, Cas started freaking out , after he searched every single pocket he had in his jeans for it the key was designed for every door in the house he used it to cut the girls fingernail off last night. Cas always kept a way of keeping part of the victims body with him one time he ripped an entire heart out of the chest of a bird with his keys, but that was when he killed animals not humans. He ran down the hallway ,and retraced his every single step and Dean's room door was wide open he got in and saw blood on the floor where the key fell his heart sank. Cas knew where Dean could be but he didnt want to kill him for finding just the key so he grabbed the swiss army knife Dean kept in the drawer took a deep breath ,and put it in his pockets if the chances were cruel he would have to kill Dean if they werent he would pass it off as if it was the maids key not his. Dean couldnt have anyway if telling if it was actually his considering he just saw it he never saw it before. he walked out of the room and started calling out Dean's name all through the hallway with no reply what so ever until he reached the lounge and he saw Dean there fully dressed in his tuxedo he got off the chair and smiled at him

"Dean" Cas muttered worryingly

"why aren't you dressed yet we leave in ten minutes" Dean said questiongly

" i - i losst my room keys did you happen to see them anywhere" Cas was relieved Dean seemed ok enough

"you are such an idiot cas you lose everything lets go back to my room there is another tux in there looks like we will be matching clothes either way" dean laughed but cas was dead serious. he did nothing ,but smile.

 

 

*******

 

Cas was not convinced in Dean's acting he looked a bit off. he thought as he  changed into his tuxedo, he put the knife in the inside pocket of of the jacket. 

Dean made sure Cas was still changing in the bathroom, and took out the key. Even when the blood on it was half dry it was dripping, he shoved it back inside and took a deep breath. Dean didn't know what to think? if it was Cas's key this could mean either two thing cas harmed himself with it or harmed someone else with it... both were equally bad Dean couldn't even imagine what he'd do if Cas was harming himself, and it was unthinkable that maybe Cas has hurt someone or something with it, but maybe dean didn't know Cas that well after all he needed to know the truth, but not now not at all, but tonight he knew where to  go the one room he was forbidden to go into since yesterday when he got there, the basement. 

*****

 

They arrived at the wedding, thankfully for both Cas, and Dean there were no metal detectors, because the wedding hall wasn't much famous anyway . They both had something in their pockets they didn't want the other to know of. Cas had greeted some of his family, introduced them to Dean as his new boyfriend they all loved him ,until they got to the brides seat.  Cas walked up the stairs he saw Cecily she was just like he remembered her annoyingly pale skin, blue eyes , and dyed ginger hair with purple ends. The moment Cas walked in she execused herself from her husbands side, a blonde banker, and pulled cas into a deep hug ,

"what are you doing here Castiel" Cecily whispered in his ear.

Cas didn't reply. Dean glared when he noticed how they were looking at each other it had the words " _ex lovers_ " all over it. Dean was just standing there as Cecily, and Cas were just catching up. Cas eventually introduced Cecily to Dean his 2 day old boyfriend. She never knew Cas was bisexual , and she knew a lot about him, more than she should in Cas's opinion.

 

"i am um ,Cecily  i am sure Cas has told you about me" Cecily said extending her arm shaking Dean's

" not even once" Dean said smirking

Cecily's smile slowly faded away to a pissed-off-but-trying-to-hide-it sort of smile.

"well anyway i have to go Cas, it was lovely seeing you again ,and nice meeting you Sean" Cecily mumbled not caring what she said or did.

"its Dean not Sean there is a difference" Cas looked down not meeting Cecily's gaze.

Cecily nodded and walked away,  got in back to the dressing room. 

"wanna go sit or something?" Dean looked back to Cas ,but  he yet again is lost in his own world.

"yeah sure just there is something i need to do first" Cas was not focused on Dean.

" ill get us drinks ,and be over there. he pointed to a place at the corner. "Be here in 10 minutes." Dean walked away leaving Castiel alone

he followed Cecily to her room. 

"you never told me you were bisexual when you left me you know" She said seated on a leather hair dresser chair, the room was empty besides the two of them.

 

" i am not here on Meg's orders Cecily" Cas muttered he wished maybe if he was he would have been braver speaking up to Cecily.

"we had some good times together Cas, but i am not ready for that life again" she was staring at the ceiling not daring to meet Cas's eyes.

" i am not here for that too." He took a seat next to her.

" Yeah well, come back in 10 years when i feel like killing my that brat known as a husband ill hire you to." Cecily said annoyingly she didn't know why was she annoyed.

" you don't want to marry him don't you?" Cas always had a way of reading Cecily's thoughts throigh her expressions

" we need the money, he promised he'll pay." her voice was fragile ,and breaking.

she sighed then simply got off the chair, and walked out, before Cas got the chance to say anything.

he wanted to follow her explain to her, but it was useless. so Cas simply lay still on the chair and let all the nightmares and memories swallow him back in once again he needed his fun now, he wasnt very happy.  


	5. aftermath

they were on their way back from the wedding, Dean was driving because  Cas didn't look too well he took a few turns home. Anxiety was building up inside Dean like a monster, what would a blood soaked key could be for ?

 

 

when they arrived he took a look at Cas, he was asleep, _he looked beautiful_ was all that wandered in his head he had the face of someone crushed by the weight of the world. Dean knew him for so long this was the second day he saw him yet he was so in love. He immediately snapped out of his thoughts 

"wake up loser" Dean nudged Cas's arm.

"you are the loser" Cas replied still groggy.

Dean opened the car door. followed by Cas he reached the door first ,and waited for Cas to open the door but he didn't

"can you um open the door" Dean was freezing of cold, they were in mid November.

"i dont have my keys" Cas shrugged annoying Dean.

Dean sighed ,and rang the door bell. he hoped maybe one of the servants were up. while he was waiting he tried to reach the bell again ,but Cas grabbed him tight in his arms. Dean was just staring into his eyes

 

 _'who are you Castiel Novak_ ' Dean asked ,but Cas never replied

Cas kissed him but Dean pulled away from his face they were just inches apart.

"Who is Cecily Habbington" Dean breath was getting warmer at secon.

"we were crime partners" Cas smirked at Dean's question he knew what Dean meant.

Dean pushed away from Cas, one of the servants opened the door. Dean recognized her right away it was Laurie ,he didnt care enough to act surprised. he just pushed the door wide open and walked in Cas sighed ,walked in ,he smiled at Laurie ,and tipped her $2 ,then walked away. he was very tired he didnt care to chase after Dean neither did Dean care enough to chase after him. he reached the basement door it was unlocked. He walked in , and got down to his favorite place on earth. in total all the people Cas killed lead up to 20 since last year. he had one body left. he sat on a chair he had down there staring at the sack the man was in,  this victim wasnt just a homeless it was someone he held a grudge on very dearly, someone from college called jackson. he was jealous of all the popularity Cas had he would spread rumors on him, beat him up if he was in a mood, he never liked him. Cas finally had the chance to do it he held the knife tight ,but he heard someone coming down the long stairs. Cas began to panic the servants were well informed they cant go down here it could either be Dean or the maid he just tipped Laurie she was far too curious for his likings he began to doubt her. he let go of the knife ,and it fell down when he saw who it was. it was Dean,  he looked horrified and his breath began to fasten up.

(  10 minutes ago )

Dean had just reached his room. tomorrow he was going to visit Sam, he felt happy about that  considering he was was utterly upset by the fact Cecily and Css may have actually been together at some point in time though they were broken up now ,and Cas didnt look well when they got back perhaps they talked about the past ,and Cas was just in a flood of memories. Dean took off his tuxedo and slipped in some pajamas he didn't even realize he brought ,and laid on the bed staring at the wall he was thinking of many things especially wether he should go or not he could simply let him be and give him the key but he couldnt do that ,he knew he couldn't.

 

(present)

 

Cas looked down, the only way Dean could stay standing up was by holding on to the railings as tight as possible.

"what the hell !? Cas?" Dean said in a frightened stutter. 

he saw where Cas was ,and all the pieces fell in the puzzle. who cas was ? what the blood soaked key was for ? the Cecily, and him being crime partners not being a stupid joke???.why he wasnt allowed down here ?why Cas never came to visit him before? he couldn't risk someone knowing, Cas was coming close to him he had a wooden piece in his hands Dean didnt even realize Cas ripped it off the shelf. he started to back away.

"Cas dont ,Cas we can talk about this" Dean worryingly backed away

he knew he couldnt win this fight. so he closed his eyes the last thing he saw before slipping out of it was Cas smiling. he hit him hard on the head and he fell on Cas, Cas held him tight and left him up. he carried him to a tall table he used for dissection he pushed over all the sharp stuff and slowly lay Dean on there he grabbed each of his hands and tied him he did the same for his feet and looked down on the knife on the ground. he couldn't do it ,but he certainly could use a partner this was Dean's choice either join him or die.

*******

it was morning now he was still waiting for Dean to wake. Cas was afraid he hit him too hard maybe he'll never wake and it all would be his fault. just at the moment he was beginning to give up Dean started to wake he was barely moving he rose his head up the moment he realized he was tied down he knew last night wasnt another nightmare he hoped he prayed to what ever is in heaven that this was just another damn nightmare ,but it wasnt. he saw Cas on his side he tried to shake his hands off but the ropes were tying him down he couldnt shake them off he could feel rope burns starting to mark so he gave up

"Cas I know you are there" Dean called out.

"i know you know i am here" Cas announced with a small chuckle.

"if you are going to kill me just do it" he had a sense of hopelessness in his voice

"thats the problem, i cant i never held back before ,but every time i raise the knife towards any where on you i feel like i am only harming myself" Cas anounced tracing his knife around Dean in circles.

"shut up just fucking shut up you are a liar just a fucking liar" Dean was angry ,and compulsive.

Dean knew Cas didnt like to get called a liar. Cas's grip on the knife was beginning to tighten the tips of his fingers touching the ends of the blade were beginning to bleed.

"stop it i know what you are trying to do" Castiel growled,

Dead huffed.

Cas turned his back on Dean and walked away ,he was going up stairs this was Dean's chance he only had so much time. when Cas was here he noticed there was a tiny knife next to himself. he grabbed it and cut his left hand loose, the marks of the rope on his wrist burned hard ,and some bleed ,but he pulled through. Dean just realized how bad his head hurt he could barely function ,and breathe.  he managed to cut the rest of the ropes off he got up ,and could barely stand, when he got off the table he looked down his chest there was some blood he began to try to trace where the source was, it was the top of his neck it was slightly slit. was that what Cas meant by he couldn't do it ? he was too tired to think Dean needed to get up stairs ,but he already heard the door open so he reached his pocket his phone wasn't there he couldnt call the police or anyone he was supposed to meet Sam today he'll call sometime. if Dean was lucky it would be here somewhere . Dean was looking everywhere for a place to hide. the closet is too obvious ,but behind the stairs may be good enough. he quickly was on his feet and hid there he tried to hold his breath ,but he couldn't do it with out half passing out so he just attempted to slow it as much as possible. Cas walked in, Dean tried to stay as calm as possible he laid his head on the back wall of the stairs ,and slowing his breath was easier for him. to his surprise the wall fell  ,and he fell back with it thats when he noticed it isn't a wall its an escape pod it could lead anywhere ,and anywhere was not a chance Dean could take so he crawled inside ,and raised the door back in its place ,and stayed there for who knew how long. he laid on the ground and curled up he remembered when his dad used to beat him he would hide under his bed in this exact postion. he wanted to scream for help but he couldnt so he just closed his eyes ,and gave in to diziness.

Cas walked in with a bag in his hand, he dropped it the moment he noticed Dean was not on the table anymore he began to panic he couldn't have been upstairs he would hear the door close so he must be here somewhere he just hoped that he didn't find the fire escape door he began to scream Dean's name ,and grabbed his knife he looked in the closet ,and under every single table but he wasn't there he stopped screaming ,and sat on a chair. he buried his face in the palms of his hands they were sweaty, Cas knew he should've killed him when he had the chance he knew it but he also knew he couldnt.

 


	6. Death

**WARNING : this chapter is gonna be really sick and violent and may be triggering in any way since ill link you guys to an alternative ending where it basically doesn't end very well ( i got the idea from rpg horror games where you get the bad ending or the slightly lesser bad ending, get it ? ) so yeah then ill carry on the fic normally to the actual main ending i planned and stuff also ill try to be better at grammar and spelling on this chapter sOrry**

 

Cas looked everywhere he had to ignore the possibility of Dean escaping, he injured him far too much for too much for him to escape so easily. Cas was curled up in a corner shaking he held his knife very tight, he knew what he had to do if he finds Dean, he needed to kill him he cant risk anyone knowing know one knew aside from Cecily but she was his partner and his past lover.. if she told on him she'd be bringing herself down with him Cas wasn't selfless he would tell on her he even had proof she did it he had no worry from her side, but Dean... Dean was a problem Cas thought maybe he could give Dean a choice, it isn't much of a choice though is it? join him or die? it seemed more of being forced to. Plus he knew Dean eventually he wouldn't ever tell on Cas he would end up killing himself Dean was a too much of a good guy he was like a light in Cas's darkness, and he couldn't bare the thought of him becoming so dark he'd think death is the only way out of it when it isn't, it never was. Cas finally got up he just noticed how sweaty he was, but he got up if Dean somehow did truly find the escape door he wouldn't have went far like what he thought before he was far too injured in his head and all over his body. He gathered up his courage to do whatever he had to right now and for a moment in his entire life he didn't feel grief he didn't feel sadness he didn't feel psychotic he didn't feel happiness he felt one thing that he wasn't even sure if it's considered a feeling, he felt numb, and empty. He crawled under the stairs and kicked the door open with his knee he crawled inside and got up. the escape pod was originally in case of fires like previously mentioned, but Cas uses it in case he ever got caught the pod is full of food , and water, and a hallway that leads to the outer world he opened the lights, and no one was there, but he noticed there was droplets of blood on the ground, and one of the water bottles were messing, Dean did come through here. He took a step forward, but then was tackled one by a mysterious weak figure he easily pushed the figure off, and left it up then pushed it to the wall. Without the blood without the cuts of his endless failed attempts to kill. he knew who the figure was it was Dean he finally can do it he had a knife on Dean's neck.

cas:"it was a stupid idea staying here"

Dean could barely talk :"s-sorry for not being able to m-move because someone tried to kill me"

cas:"i am sorry Dean but i cant risk you knowing"

Cas was just about to slit Dean's throat wide open but Dean begged him to wait because he needed to say something.

here is the alt ending : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689601

 

main ending (it will last a few more chapters ofc):

Dean:" cas wait please I just need to say one thing one wish please"

cas:"you know the faster i do this the easier it is for me"

dean:"please cas"

cas sighed and left Dean up.

Dean didn't try to kick or scream he knew he would die no matter what he does or says, but maybe just maybe his wish might someone else if Cas lets him live long enough to say it. in just a few moments Dean was tied down to the table once again with a knife over his throat just in case he tries anything. It was hard on Dean to breathe properly he feared that of he breathed to tight the knife will hurt him Cas was holding it over him very tightly he could feel some blood coming out.

Dean:"please don't hurt Sam please don't hurt anyone i love please i didn't tell anyone i know here its just me please just punish me for it dont hurt anyone else at my cost this is all i ask"

Dean took a deep breathe this may be very well the end of him right here and right now

Dean:"you are free to do whatever you wish to do with me just please make it fast"

he closed his eyes, and waited for any impact, but the only impact he had felt was the knife being pulled off his throat. he rushed for air his head hurt even more now he was very sure he had a concussion of some sort.

Dean:"why?"

Cas knew he would regret this, but once again he couldn't look at Dean, and know he is the only reason the life will slip out of him. Dean's eyes were still closed he didn't want to have hope just for it to be taken away from him so brutally. He heard a chair move right next to him, and Cas's voice, clear, and husky just like always.

Cas:"you can open your eyes Dean i wont hurt you"

Dean's eyes were still closed

Cas:" i promise I won't hurt you just please"

Dean opened them but he didn't say a word his breath was very slow unlike a few moments ago when he could practically feel his heart racing and his breath so fast it was like he will explode.

Cas:" if you are wondering why its because i am going to give you a choice, well its not much of a choice it won't affect me physically its all you"

Dean sighed :" what's the choice"

Cas:" you join me or else"

Dean laughed but quickly regretted it, it only made his head feel worse.

Dean:" you want me to kill people for you ? no thank you id rather rot here till i die"

Cas:" who said ill let you die ? ill keep you here as hostage i could toture you till you accept"

Dean:" the answer is still no go right ahead I don't care"

Cas:"Dean please i swear i wont force you to do anything just this once i need you to do one thing for me for insurance purposes"

Dean still loved Cas even though he totured him almost killed him and beat him up he still dead he's loved him for over two years even if it was just online talks and skypes at first you still cant change that he guessed. Dean took a deep breath he knew he would regret this for the rest of his life Cas will probably never let him go back to Texas his scholarship will be to waste months, and months will pass people will eventually assume him dead his uncle will tell his father then his father will make a funeral for sole purpose of mentioning how Dean was good for nothing, but he didn't care at the moment.

Dean:" what do i have to do?"

Cas got up joy almost showed itself on his face

Cas:" is that a yes?"

Dean:" no that is a maybe it depends if you are honest on not forcing me to do anything and what i have to do"

Cas :" well i need you to kill someone , someone I've hated for a long while all you have to do is kill him within 10 seconds and a half he is here right now"

Cas smirked he may not be the one killing Jackson, but he surely will enjoy seeing Dean do it.

Dean:" is it someone i know"

Cas:" no"

Dean:"does he have family"

Cas:" possibly but when I found him it was by chance he was drunk and all alone mumbling about how his family kicked him out"

Dean:" let me see him" cas went over to the sack. he unzipped it and Dean turned his head around, he didn't know him the boy surely looked like someone homeless no one significant why would Cas hate him? Dean didn't know wether to accept or not, not accepting would cause him toture that may one day just one day end with death, he thought if life was worth it if someone truly would care if this happened to him, he first thought of Sam his little brother just 4 years younger still in high school he was paying his bills with numerous jobs he had to live for him. he thought of some of his friends back home he will probably never see them again, but he didn't know what they'd do if they knew he died, he probably had to live for them too. he thought of uncle bobby the only one still making Dean reassured about his real father when Dean knew the only one he and Sam considered a father was Bobby Singer.

Cas:"Dean you still up?"

Dean Winchester had to live.

Dean:" i- i accept"

Cas had untied Dean quickly the moment he got off the table Cas handed him the knife. Dean swallowed his breath and walked over to the sack slowly uncovering the man inside once again he raised the knife towards the mans heart but he couldn't do it he just fell back and Cas helped him up.

Dean:" I can't do it i just cant"

Cas:"yes you can dean i know you can"

Dean:" but i am killing him i don't want blood on my hands cas i don't"

dean's face was damp with tears sweat and blood. Cas smiled at Dean, Dean never saw him like this he never saw him so psychotic it gave him chills. 

Cas:" but Dean Winchester you are not killing him you are raising his soul from this miserable world to heaven you are like an angel" he put a hand in Deans cheek " you look like one too"

Dean raised his knife high the man was not awake but Dean felt fear he may have to look at dead eyes today, with no hesitation he pulled the knife over the mans heart and began to shake at the sight of blood Cas was still smiling wide, and Dean did it again until his hands felt numb and out of power he felt very weak and fell down with tears streaming down his face he did it for everyone he had to live for, and cried his heart out in castiel's arms.  


	7. Cast Outs

Meg Masters is a rich woman with high power ,and all the money someone like her could ask for. Riches do not come with no price though she had to do things, things to prove her power ,and superiority among the others of the cast outs ,after all she was their leader , and boss. As she fit into a black dress she thought to herself of all she has done ,and smiled. There was a knock on the door, Meg had all kinds of servants ,and guards ,but Charlie was special not only was she her most trusted guard ,and she had stood by her side for a long time now longer than any of these untrustworthy servants. Charlie walked in ,and meg turned around to face her.

Meg:''what do you think?"

Charlie sighed:"sweet heart, i have told you before black is simply not your color"

Meg:"i need to look intimidating ,and well black is what i see fit."

Charlie:"why did you ask me of an opinion if you would just dismiss it?"

 

Meg ignored her remark with a question :" so, what brings you here? any news about Castiel Novak?"

Charlie smiled:"always straight to business, well yes we have determined we certainly do hold his own killings against him, our little friend Laurie has confirmed 20 bodies alone ,and his love interest."

 

Meg:" so what they say is very well true, is Dean Winchester a problem?"

 

Charlie:"if you want Castiel Novak in our side then yes he certainly is"

 

Meg let out a small chuckle as she unzipped her dress.

Meg:"he will join us if he wants Dean Winchester to stay alive, see if we have anything on him oh ,and don't forget to send an invite to Castiel for tonight."

Charlie nodded and walked out of the room.

 

**ok so here is a small authors note i am just gonna try POV on Cas for a bit mostly to see if i can actually write in POV  , but yeah please tell me what you think ,and stuff.**

 

POV Cas

 

i put down the picture of my parents back to the desk , and tried to recollect some memories of them, but every time i try i imagine their death scene over ,and over again until i feel like i physically need to scream at myself to stop, neither less i still tried. i was barely 4 when my mom got married to my dad they had me way before they got married so i was one of the few kids that got to say i saw my mom ,and dads wedding. My mother was beautiful , and beautiful. i used to think my dad was very lucky he had her i remember riding back home with them wondering what ill be when i grew up, people said ill be a doctor, a vet, a dentist for how much interest i showed in organs ,and the human body never in their wildest dreams would both  of them ever imagine their Little boy to become a high psychopath with people asking me to kill for them. i pushed away that thought to think of something else, more like someone else.  its been three days since Dean killed Jackson, i couldn't believe he actually has done it , but then again i always felt like i can see some blood lust in Dean he was just too scared to ever do anything about it. Dean just needed that push ,and i gave  him just exactly that. Perhaps one day he will thank me for it. i got off my desk , and made my way to my rooms door. i wasn't  if this was a wise idea , but i needed to see Dean very badly, most of the maids have been telling me he hasn't ate anything  or got out of his room since i carried him back there ,and nursed him back to health i am just simply worried about him he is like my disease i never hesitated on a kill before never mind nursing one back to health ,and actually worry about them. i knocked the door of Deans room, might as well as call it his by now he has been here for over a week now.

 

**ok POV done now sorry if it was bad lmao**

 

Dean has done nothing since Cas brought him back here ,and nursed him to health. some part of Dean wished Cas would have let him die ,because all he seemed to do in every waking moment was staring at the wall drenching in regret head to toe , and in every nap he took he saw only nightmares, he regretted that some part of him enjoyed watching that man die ,and the life slipping out of him as blood soaked his cloths. he hated himself for it. there was a knock on the door that alarmed Dean ,and woke him up of his little personal world of regretful thoughts at first he assumed it was another maid trying to get him to eat on Castiels orders ,so he didnt really care ,and simply dismissed the knock, but someone called him. he hasn't heard cas,s voice in three days he hasn't got off his bed in three days, but he did to unlock Cas,and let him in, he hated himself for loving the man who forced him to kill, but Cas was Cas he couldn't bring himself to hate him no matter what he did. Cas walked in ,and sat on one of the chairs in Deans room as dean simply went back to laying on his bed.

Cas:"how are you doing?" Cas didnt know what to say what do you say to someone who you forced to commit murder ?

Dean laughed:"pro psychopath and all you have to tell me is how i am doing ? well i am doing shit" even though Dean still loved Cas he could not help but blame him a little for all this.

Cas:" i needed to know if you were trustworthy. you think i didnt know you enjoyed it? do you even remember what happened that night ha Dean?"

Dean slowly nodded.

Cas:"look i am sorry ,but i had no other choice. there are powerful people very powerful people who i have to work for if i want all the police out of my attention if they knew i let you go alive for no reason they will not hesitate to kill you on spot."

Dean sprang up.

Dean:" what do you mean by powerful people? he knew Cas was certainly a killer ,but never expected him to be some sort of an assassin as well he was very confused.

Cas:"the cast outs council.. well i dont know much about them, but all i know is that they are very dangerous people who right now have set eyes on me, as far asi know they know about you too."

Dean":should i be worried?"

Cas sighed:"well yes i am forced to take you with me to meet their head tomorrow"

 

************************************************

 

Dean had took a shower , and put on some black shirt he had and a pair of jeans, he didnt really care about the whole meeting the head thing it felt like more of Castiels problem than his in any way. Dean was waiting for Castiel to finish getting dressed, he took such a long time getting dressed it was very awkward Dean to just finish in 10 minutes ,and then wait for Cas to take over 30 minutes.

in few more minutes Cas came in dressed in a full tuxedo with a tie, he looked very formal , and hot _i probably should have bothered to dress up_ Dean thought ,and sighed at himself.

they both walked out of the door together side by side Dean was just minding his way to the car ,but Cas planted a kiss on Deans cheek, and smiled.

 

**********************************************

they finally reached the address they were meant to go, it was nothing ,but a warehouse seemingly abandoned ,and with no indication on any human life what so ever. Cas made sure Dean was beside him at all times when they got in, it was certainly more indicating of a place to stay more than in the outside. 

Cas:"ook so here is a question do you believe in angels or demons?"

Dean:"yeah sort of"

Cas:"good, so heres some basic ground rules; this place is full of killers of every sort basically none of these people would try to harm you as long you with me except for witches"

Dean:"witches are you even serious?"

Cas:"well not really witches just a bunch of wanna-be-satanic kinda people and to do satanic rituals you need human organs or blood. they wont hesitate to stab you on spot this is where they can do whatever they want _this_ is the cast outs"

in the small time Dean has bee here he has seen all types of people dressed up formally like Cas ,and unlike him there were hardly any tell tales about any of these people being killers except for two bodies who were hanged in the entrance of the heads office. it was an indication that whoever was in there was to be feared

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 Some believe that humans who are in love are stupid, but Castiel thought otherwise. There was power in willing to sacrifice everything to someone, even if it was the sort of power to weaken you power is still power wether it is in your hands or not. This time the odds were not in Dean ,or Cas's favors in a way they were against them on ever possible way.

 

Cas was surprised Dean didn't as much as show a single emotion on his face when seeing two dead bodies. Dean had grown much harder to read he was an open book at first , but now it seems like Dean is building walls in his mind, walls that may not keep Cas away , but maybe keep othera away  _its better that way_ Cas silently thought to himself as two large guards opened the doors to enter the leader of the cast outs office. Dean had expected the office to look frightning he expected it to look like all hell itself had decided to release itself in one office , that whoever their leader was, he or she would be their ruler, but the leader was a queen , and the place looked more welcoming , and formal than hell he thought. Cas stood before the leader. She was a girl ,could be from 25-30 years old ,brown hair brown eyes , and pale skin, She wore a plain black dress with black knee high boots. She stood up to greet her forced-to-come-here-or-we-will-probably-die sort of guests 

"hello, i am Meg Masters leader of the cast outs , and obviously a member myself you may introduce yourselves" Meg anounced sitting back down again it was sort of a signal both Dean ,and Cas can sit down now too so they did.

" i am Castiel Novak i am sure you already know this, my friend here is"Dean stopped Cas mid sentence "Dean Winchester"

 

" i've heard a lot about you Castiel Novak, greatest killer of the century, never been caught, the man for the job" Meg said with a sort of a sinister smile on her face.

"thank you ma'am" Cas said obediently.

 _he is thanking her for calling him a murderer_ Dean thought , and sighed. 

"so i wish to hire you ,and your boyfriend over here" Meg said straightning her postion of seating ready to do some  business

"we are not-" Cas was cut off again.

" you think i don't know  about your little relationship? you think i haven't heard of the one victim you held back on? don't lie to me Castiel you know i am very well informed about you , and i know you are very well informed on me lets not get on each others bad side" she turned to face Dean " and you, who ever you think you are you're nothing compared to me i could kill you right here and right now then bath in your blood , but i need to get on your unicorn's good side" Meg said laughingly, she had a short temper and toleranc.

Dean nodded he didn't care wether he lived or died anymore, it seemed now like the few moments he was so close to death were his brightest moments, he didn't care about her threats wether empty or not. 

" what's the job?" Cas looked down he didn't dare to meet her eyes. he knew what was Meg capable of.

" thats much better, but I don't want just  _you_ to do my job for me i want him to be involved too" Meg didn't trust Cas when he said Dean had killed before he hardly seemed like a thief let alone a killer.

" don't drag him into this Meg he doesn't need to be part of this" Cas angirly stood up

Meg liked to smile and laugh to show her power nothing kills the people that hate you more than a smile ,or hurting the ones they love.

" guards, hold down the blonde one" She pointed towards Dean's direction.

in less than two seconds three guards were holding Dean down. he couldn't even as much as struggle they outnumbered ,and out powered him in every way. Cas looked at Dean then turned around to face Meg, adrenaline was taking over him.

" Meg, STOP" he still worryingly looked towards Dean one mistake one wrong thing to say ,and everything could fall apart.

"hold a gun on his head , he tries anything shoot him then hang him outside with the others" 

Cas couldnt win this he was a powerful man , but he was like an ant compared to Meg. 

"what do you want just stop ill do it" he returned to his obediant tone Cas couldnt risk Dean's life hardly on their first meeting with Meg.

" you see Castiel let me educate you about me" she walked over to him ,and laid a hand on his cheek " when i was barely 13 i poisned my own parents for the money ill take in, i killed anyone who stood in my way , and right now your friend over here is standing in my way for you to be my personal killer, if you think i will hesitate to kill him for your fucking feels towards him you are not as smart as i think you are" her finger nails dug down Cas's cheek , droplets of blood came out. " i am powerful consider me the devil, and right now the devil has laid eyes on you, and your love, don't disappoint me" she pulled away , and got back to her desk.

"this is getting less fun i need him alive for now unfortunately, let the blonde kid down now" Meg announced with an annoyed tone sitting back to her desk, she hated when people as much as defied her.

the four guards let down Dean immediately, he struggled to his breath , and struggled to stand up, one of the guards were still aiming the gun at him, it was Charlie. Cas had heard about Charlie she was good with computers ,and certainly amazing at murder. Cas wanted to get up ,and help Dean up but

"not you pretty boy _you_  will stay sit" She signaled Cas to sit down, and he didn't fight back he sinply sat still.

"are you sure you dont want me to shoot him ma'am?" Charlie said aiming a head shot

"maybe another time sweetheart for now i need him" Meg loved Charlie's loyalty ,and dedicatio.

Charlie nodded ,and put the gun back in her pocket. Dean got up ,and sat down next to Cas again. They shared a few glances it was like they could talk telepathically.

i _am ok Cas._

_i know you are Dean the whole world dies so easily at Meg's grasp , but you Dean winchester are always ok_

" now that the fun is over, lets disscuss buisness shall we" Meg looked towards Cas , and Dean neither of them dared to say a word.

"so ill be giving you a hit list,simply people i hate that i want dead" she didn't want to give away her true motives Meg may be psychotic in a way but not stupid.

" why dont you send your men or yourself to kill them" Dean asked 

" good question Dean, i may let you live for this." Dean sighed at Meg's remark.

" it is because these people are former members of the cast outs they know far too much about us its a risk sending my men or myself i can't take better risk you two instead" that was only one of  the reasons.

" well what exactly are the cast outs" Cas has spent over two years in the cast outs and still he knew nothing of them.

" another good question you are on a roll today unicorn, here is a short summary we are the worlds worst nightmare" she smiled yet another one of her sinister smiles. She pulled two flashdrives out of her desk ,and gave Cas ,and Dean both one. 

"this has the hit list of 13 people, kill one each each week ,and you will be rewarded, if you fail you will be the next on the list act wisely, and don't take me for a fool"

" oh ! and i almost forgot" she pulled out two sheets of papers, they were revealed as a paper contract " you must sign these. the basic summary of the rules are dont disappoint me or you will both suffer greatly" she waited for any comments 

" Can me and Cas talk in private" Dean looked towards Cas. 

" as you wish you have 5 minutes Meg and the guards have walked out of the room leaving only Cas and Dean only.

 " i cant actually do this you said you wont force me to do it again Cas" Dean whispere.

" we have to Dean no matter what we do she will find us she will do whatever she can i am sorry" he wished Dean didn't have to do thi to.

Dean sighed he didn't want to fight Cas everytime he did he remembered him holding a knife over his throat, the knife didn't hurt not much anyway, what hurt Dean was that it was his best friend ,and lover that was gonna do it.

" as you wish"

Cas could hear pain im Dean's face

" id rather have you as a killer than see her tutoring you for days months maybe even years ,and drive you to brink of insanity then make me watch and i know ill just blame it on myself" Cas attempted to comfort Dean if even possible

Dean said no word he simply grabbed the pen Meg had lift for him ,and Cas then signed the paper. Cas reliefingly smiled at him then shortly followed by him they both signed the paper. 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Dean was twirling a small pocket knife around waiting for Cas to get back home ,after doing whatever he had to do with Meg. Its been  week since he visited Meg ,and today she called for Cas only him, and sent Charlie to watch over Dean. He knew Meg distrusted or liked him Cas told Dean that much ,but he didn't think it would reach the point she thought Dean needed a babysitter. 

Dean sighed in boredom, Charlie was obligated to follow him every where. Dean liked his privacy he didn't want her every single place he went.

"i am going to the bathroom" he got off the luxurious purple couch

Charlie got up in means to at least follow him ,and stand at the door waiting for him.

Dean didn't actually need the bathroom he just needed to be alone. it seemed to be what he liked the most when Cas wasn't around to keep him company.

 

he reached the bathroom door ,and locked it behind him. He got a small chair he found ,and reached to the window. he slowly crawled outside. Dean was lucky the bathroom was on the first floor, or that would have been tragic.

Dean took a small walk around the house, it wouldn't be long ,before Charlie figured out Dean was outside ,then dragged him back inside, and well she did.

Dean expected to be thrown down on the ground then be threatned with a gun ,but instead Charlie just walked around next to him seemingly calm.

"sorry about holding a gun on you before" Charlie mumbled she hated to apologize ,but Dean seems like he's been through a lot. She remembered when Meg first dragged her down to all this ,and how bad it felt at first to know there is blood on your hands, she hardly ever cared now ,but  wondered if Dean felt the same way.

"its ok, not like its my first time near death" Dean chuckled getting Charlie to laugh too.

"so Dean Wincheste you seem problemati, how many times have you been close to death?" Charlie turned towards Dean.

"three times"

"ok so first it was because of Cas?"

She asked in curiousity.

"no, my father actually. he was a drunk man who so happened to own a hunting gun before i sold it away" Dean said shaking his head towards Charlies's assumption

"oh, i haven't seen my parents in years" she chuckled "they think i am still in college" 

Dean spotted Cas's car in the distance getting into the garage. he took a hand out of the pockets of his hoodie then extended it to shake Charlie's.

"nice to know you without having to use guns" she shook his hand back.

 

Dean nodded and walked away to greet Cas.

 

*********

**Cas 1 hour ago in Cast out's main base :**

 

"we need tp figure out a way to kill all the hitlist without the targets doubting me or Dean ,and I can't do that without you" Cas knew he shouldn't argue with Meg ,but he still truly needed her help. normally he wouldn't ask for help ,and just take shots in the dark ,but he couldn't risk Dean especially with Meg not liking him, she could bring off any execuse to convince herself,and the other members Dean Winchester needed to die. The Cast Outs may be killers ,but they never kill with no motive, at least not in knowing of other members , but for the whole place to be working on something there needed to be a motive if the orgnization was just a bunch of stupid psychopaths it would have fell apart ages ago.

"ill throw the targets off, that good enough?" Meg sighed waiting for Cas's answer. She trusted him and his opinions , but Meg knew Dean was ruining her perfect kill  machine.

Cas nodded agreemently 

"now, we both know i would have called Dean too if all we had to do was unclassified business" Meg said.

"why do you want Cecily Habbington dead, Meg?" Cas said with a sense of pain in his voice. he cared for Cecily maybe not in the falling in love sort of way but she was his first friend in the cast outs. She was special to him ,and the thought of him hurting her upset him.

"she quit the cast outs, she knows too much" Meg was cold and stern.

"you and i both know she is not a threat" he said standing up.

"her threats are for me to know and for you to wonder about as you slit her throat" Meg said warning Castiel. Cecily Habbington is the small council's next choice to take over Meg's place. She will not let that happen.

Cas sternly looked towards Meg " i am not gonna do it"

"you will kill her,  you know i am very capable to kill her and Dean with you watching within less than minute. Don't defy me" Meg stood up facing Cas not breaking his grudging gaze towards her. 

"you will regret this, maybe not today Meg Masters , but you will regret this"

Cas walked out of the room slamming the door behind him.

********

**back to present :**

Cas stepped out of the car still affected by rage due to Meg's self obsession.

today he was going to kill off the first man in the hit list, he needed to get his anger out one way or another. He sighed at the thought of having to bring Dean with him.

 

Dean walked up to Cas in the garage _this man is your end Dean Winchester_ a small voice whispered in Dean's head as he walked up to Cas 

"how'd it go?" Dean asked.

"not well" Cas said angirly. he opened the door for Dean "get in we are going for John Masters right now" 

 

Dean was confused, Meg's uncle was on the hitlist, but he was supposed to be the last one to get killed. Cas's friend Cecily was supposed to be first.

"Cas the hitlist order isnt that way?" Dean said 

"just trust me" Cas was focused on  the road ready for even the slightest form of revenge. Meg needed her uncle dead because he was suing her for some of the money she got when her parents died or more like killed. _That didnt mean she hates him_ voices whispered in Castiel's head.

 

***********

 

Cas had parked right infront of a large house. all lights were off. Dean and Cas got out of the car, Cas opened the trunk which revealed all sorts of tremendous tutore tools. Cas of all those toys to him grabbed a weird tool Dean didn't recognize some ropes " you are going to help me Dean" Cas said handing Dean a tall sharp knife. Dean did not argue or protest he simply took the knife and put in the back of his jeans as Cas put all the equipment in a duffle bag. Cas and Dean put on gloves and covered their hair with plastic shower hats. Dean felt sort of stupid wearing the stuff but hey better stupid than get caught.

 

they rang the door bell waiting for anyone to answer. John Masters was a divorced  man anyone who answered would be a servant Dean thought and eventually proved correct as a butler let them in. 

they walked in and Cas put the bag down for a few moments , he tied the man down from behind. Dean knew what to do even if it was hard. He grabbed the knife from his back and held it tight.

 

"please _please_ no! i swear i wont tell" the boy pleaded. 

Dean put the knife over the boys throat.

"where is your masters room?" he asked coldly.

"n-next room t-to the-e right" the boy was trembling in fear.

"thank you" Dean mumbled as he slit the boys throat. Dean memorized how the kids eyes shot wide, him trying to stutter something else then blood flowing and his life floating away.

Cas was surprised Dean had actually done it, but more than that he was worried. 

Cas grabbed the duffle bag and walked in to the room the boy said belonged to John Masters ,before Dean killed him of course.

John Masters was peacefully in his sleep, but Cas didn't want him to die peacefull. He turned on the light switch , and Dean took a deep breath then sat down on John's desk chair. this was Cas's kill not his he knew it.

John Masters slowly rose up he opened his eyes ,and saw Castiel right before him. John screamed ,but Cas put his hand over John's mouth shushing him. John rose to the conclusion he was paralyzed from neck down, Cas had injected him with something he didn't recogniz. Dean got up ,and shut the door he knew there was going to be lots of screams for what Cas was planning to do. Cas turned over John and lay him on the front of his body, leaving his bacl exposed for Castiel, he slowly cut John's shirt open and cut a deep vertical line over John's spinal cord, he let out a loud scream ,but the room was huge ,and sound proof no one could hear his cries. Cas grabbed an instrument and put it between John's open wound it extended the wound to become wider so Cas can see the spinal cord. Castiel slowly dug his hand deep in the wound and with all his force he pulled out John's spinal cord. Dean studdied the way he pulled the man's spinal cord off so swiftly almost as surgically as can be with his bare hands even when the man was screeching it didn't distract Castiel one bit until the man was dead ,and Castiel got off the bed to admire the job he has done, he looked towards Dean ,and smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

"Meg is someone powerful someone to prove herself if she needed to i may say this a lot but she is someone you need to start fearing her just a bit more Dean" Cas said almost in a way of lying. He wasn't afraid of Meg neither was Dean ,and THERE was the problem. In fear there was a sort of safety he wanted Dean as safe as possible. Cas knew he was wrong bringing Dean with him last night. For a long time Cas was never afraid maybe because he never had something to lose ,but now he does ,and everyone seems to want to steal it from him , and destroy it. Dean was just silently laying on his bed not saying a word. He was in his own little castle of broken dreams ,and regret all over again just like before locking himself away from the universe. Maybe he could save Dean from other people ,but Cas felt like he could never save Dean from himself.

"i wonder why i stay with you some times" Dean said coldness filling his voice "you make me do horrible things then i remember i love you, i cant hate you or dislike you no matter how hard i try. I feel like I can't save myself one day ill break completely ,and wouldn't want to go on ,but for the mean time ill try to save you." 

Cas laid next to Dean they were both looking at each other their gaze unbreakable , both of them had fucked up lives ,both  of them were as broken as it gets both of them slowly giving up ,but if there was one thing Dean Winchester ,and Castiel Novak lived for was each other. 

"how about this ?" Cas whispered "we both make it our own little personal mission to save each other because i am quite sure we both will fuck up a lot in the next few days weeks months or years or whatever we have left of our lives so lets just save each other. ill raise you from hell if you raise me" 

"we have a deal" Dean smiled leaning in to kiss Cas on the lips. Just a light kiss nothing hot or intense ,but it was a mark of affection that imprinted on Castiel.

***********

"our little kid is rebbeling " Meg said turned off the tv sighing.

"well time to take away some toys" Charlie said walking up to Meg. "I don't understand why didn't you  just get me to do it"

"because its not fun sweetheart" Meg leaned in giving Charlie a kiss, she kissed back.

"well if you want true fun get Dean Winchester in our grasps" Charlie mumbled close towards Meg's lips. She was teasing.

"hmm is Laurie still with us?" Meg looked into Charlie's eyes.

"y-yes she is" Charlie grabbed Meg close in wanting of this developing to something more.

Meg pushed off looking down "just tell her to start working on getting Dean to me right here, we'll keep him here hostage till at least Cas offers me a good enough trade."

Charlie sighed " as you wish" she mumbled pissed off 

"and Charlie"Meg called out. Charlie turned around" i am sorry."


	11. Chapter 11

Dean was asleep. Cas couldnt however he just watched as Dean's chest fell ,and rise slowly. He felt peace. He always fel powerful psychotic murderous at times even happy or fearful ,but never felt peace. Till now at least. 

He slowly got off Dean's bed ,and got dressed. He had some stuff to do so he had to leave Dean which saddned him a bit in all the three weeks they've spent together they never had actual time together as a couple.

He took Dean's phone ,and opened Dean's notes. he typed in his number with "call me" right next to it. No one ever had Cas's number no one well until now he supposed. _Dean'll figure out its me_ he silently thought. as he left closing the door slowly taking one last look at Dean. He felt like he wont see him for a long time ,after this he was afraid. he closed the door.

***********

 

Dean woke up hours ago. Cas had gotten up ,and went away hours ago according to what one of the maids told him. Dean got bored of the tv in his room so he decided to take a walk. 

************

he is been outside for an hour now just looking around ,abd he realized he never actually got to explore Boston he's been locked up here for a really long time he needed a breather. Dean wasn't sure if Cas would actually mind ,but Dean really missed Sam he wanted to see him he wanted to explore see some sites ,but that felt out of reach. it slightly depressed him.  He went back inside with Laurie greeting him. he hasn't seen her in ages the friendly look in her eyes disappeared her eyes were filled with a sort of evil glimpse.

"hello Dean, back so soon?" Laurie asked with a smile 

"um yeah" Dean scratched the back of his head.

"c'mere i made you something to eat" She extended her hand grabbing Dean's

"I didn't ask for -" Dean was cut off.

"Cas did, he told us to make you eat" Laurie looked stern looking Dean straight in the eye. He didn't have the energy to fight back he just gave in.

she took him to the kitchen. it was huge ,and strangely empty she half dragged him half held him towards a small table with a plate of salad ,and chicken breast . Dean hasnt eaten properly in quite a long time most of what he ate was snacks. He took a seat trying to bring himself to eat some of the salad _baby steps_ deanthought to himself as he chewed on it slowly. it tasted weird in his mouth.

Laurie was sitting across the table smiling resting her chin in the palms of her hands. Dean suddenly felt numb he dropped the fork off his hands ,and his whole body started to shake slowly his entire body went numb only neck down ,but he couldnt speak no voice came out.

Laurie got up ,and pulled out a small pocket knife from the back of her pants. She held it over Dean's throay.

"in about a minute or too your voice will get back. if you scream i cut your throat and Meg can suck my dick. Are we clear ?" Laurie spoke threatningly she meant what she said Dean could tell He slowly nodded. 

"good" she mumbled as she grabbed a rope tying Dean in strong knots she dragged him through the door to her car it was close ,and put him in the trunk she looked at Dean one last look _you are in for a wild ride Dean Winchester_


	12. lost

Cas got out of the court sighing. Yet just another person trying to steal Castiel's fortune claiming he is a novak yet he lost. He checked his phone no calls from Dean ,but a message from Meg he knew her number he couldn't figure out how she knows his.

meg text : "might wanna check on your bf back home :)"

Cas's heart sank in he ran to his car ,and  drove off at full speed adrenaline filling his veins with pure fear he never should have left Dean. he knew it. this was all his fault.

***********

 

every part of Dean felt broken ,and numb ,but mostly he felt stupid. he studied law for almost an entire year yet he couldn't find out a criminal even when she was staring him right at the eyes. He could give up right here and right now just surrender to Meg let her kill him let her do what Cas should have done in the first place. he was utterly sick of all this he never expected his life to be like this. Ge could feel some control getting back to his limbs ,but he didn't take advantage of it. if he ran where would he run to? he didn't even know where Sam's campus is  ,and he didn't want to get him in this mess. So Dean closed his eyes  ,and silently focused on ways to escape where to run to he had to try at least.

***********

Cas reached the headquarters not even bothering to close the car door,but he did grab a bag.  he ran up to the door pushing both guards away sprinting to Meg's office ,and  he found her right there sitting where she always has with all her glory smiling right towards him.

"hi"

"hi" Cas kept his anger right under control this was a bargain he needed to win.

"so i assume you're here for Dean ?" Meg said a smile still across her lips she was gonna win this she knew that.

"well yes, i assume you want me here for a bargain?" Cas raised an eyebrow.

"well yes, you see my bargain is simple and i understand the fact you don't wish to kill Cecily" Meg paused waiting for any protests, but she got none. " so ill take her off the hit list , but i want a subsitute of your choice. Who do you think in the cast outs deserves to die?"

Cas's thoughts wandered her bargain was simple as it gets. He remembered Cecily's husband Arnold Habbingto. He knew Cecily hated him he used to work for the cast outs ,before he forced her to marry him by threatning her with her brothers life. Even Castiel thought that was cruel ,and an inhuman act. He hated him since.

"Arnold Habbington" Cas said disgust filling his voice.

"now that is a better target." Meg smirked.

"do we have a deal?" Cas said worryingly.

"Deal, but you wont be getting Dean unless you deliver me Arnold's head by tomorrow" 

"about that" Cas smiled as he opened a bag raising off the literal dead head of Arnold Habbington " i may have took the liberty to get it done before i came here"

"You'll have Dean here in am hour , can't gurantee him to be in god condtion though, your Dean is a bit stubborn my spies tell me" she chuckled.

***********

Dean came up with not even a single way to escape so now he had to face the consequances which apparently is according to Meg's orders to get punched ,and beaten by men twice his size. fun.

the man with bald hair's fist almost colided yet again with Dean's face ,but his phone rang ,and he sighed walking away to take the call. As his friend in a suit began to take the liberty of punching Dean himself.

**********

Cas was more anxious by the moment. He tried to hide it from Meg as much as possible,but she was busy arguing with Charlie from across the room anyway he hardly thought she'd notice him.

"Dont be an idiot Meg why'd you release Dean this soon?" Charlie was pissed Meg could have Cas right at her grasps ,and  she didn't want to.

"i have my reasons" Meg said angirly

"oh so now you are keeping secrets?" Charlie was genuinely astonished by Meg she crossed her arms raising an eyebrow.

Meg sighed as she pulled Charlie close whispering in her ear "I have my reasons don't go off and try to defy me too"

" i am not trying to defy you i am trying to protect you Castiel is more dangerous than you think Meg he is not another one of your pets he is someone you should fear" Charlie whispered back pulling off Meg. She took one last glance ,as walked out of the door.

*********

"its your lucky day kid" the bald man angirly mumbled as he untied Dean, and helped him up showing him to a car. " can you drive ?" 

"y-yea no I can't" Dean was stuttering of fear. in the short  2 hours he spent with these two  men he got scratches wounds and bruises that's more than enough for a life time. He expected more in the near future.

" ill drive you to the head quarters sit in the back and dont speak" Dean nodded as he got in the back seat some of his body parts were  bloody so he sort of bled all over the car _your fault for tutoring me_ he thought to himself. on the inside he hoped this car was expensive.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean was still in the car he couldn't recognize his surroundings.  he was quite sure he is hallucinating. Maybe Meg drugged him or something Dean wasn't sure. Other than the sharp pain he felt because of all the punches ,and wounds he felt sort of depressed its like day by day he is having all sorts of tutores happening to him, physical and mental, Dean was going nuts he knew it he wasn't going nuts as in i wanna kill everything ,and everyone sorta way , but the sort of way he started talking to himself mumbling words ,and sentences he couldn't remember. in genuine he was afraid he couldn't go to a therapist considering there probably aren't relationshi therapists on the field my-boyfriend-is-making-me-kill-people-but-i-love-him sort of way.

he decided to just close his eyes ,and go to sleep. Dean wasn't sure if it was a good idea he once heard that someone could slip to a coma if he had too much head injuries ,and went to sleep. Comas were the last of his worries.

**************

Cas was impatiently waiting in the headquarter. He felt bad and sort of strange about killing Arnold. Cecily wasn't home when he did it he just walked straight in beheading her husband. _did it ever occur to you she may have loved him_ a voice in Cas's head spoke. He never felt guilt _maybe she hesitated on doing the job herself just like you for Dean_ cas suspended the thoughts away anxiety was building up inside him as he simply walked in circles in Meg's office. She was enjoying it even if she pretended to be busy. 

Cas liked Charlie ,but he couldn't understand how she could like someone as Meg even for Cas she seemed to possesive she almost killed someone once for having a 10% chance of getting her family's money.

Cas angirly took a seat pn the couch sighing.

"have some patience novak your lover boy will be here soon" Meg spoke almost unintrestedly as she went through her papers.

"shut up" Cas mumbled out he rested his head on the back of the seat trying to rest. He had no good feeling about this it just seemed too easy.

***********

Dean woke up still in the car ,but the driver wasn't there all doors were unlocked. They were in a gas station the man was no where to be seen ,and the cars were still in. When Dean thought of it this was his chance he could escape ,steal the car. He had no hesitations as far as he knew Sam wasn't of Meg or Cas's intrests he was safe Dean could run for it. He spotted the driver getting out of a bar this was his chance its either now or never. He jumped across to the front seat starting the car ,and locking the doors.

" _hey you son of a bitch!"_ the driver called out running towards  the car. Dean  turned the direction of the car taking off at full speed. he had nowhere to go ,but he felt free, of course he wasn't gonna ditch Cas on a run just for the mean time Dean preferred to be on his own.


	14. Chapter 14

**warning chapter may be sort of triggering in the topic of self harm depression and suicide so please dont consider reading if you feel you could be triggered by any of that.**

 

 

Dean stopped at a gas station approximatley 30 miles away from where he stole the car. He grabbed a hammer, with the ends of the back of the hammer he took off the car code so Meg ,or whover cant track him. Dean found almost 1k dollars in that car along with first aid kit he used to clear his wounds ,but he needed food. Dean pulled up his hood taking 50 dollars with him to get some food. He walked in the store it was half empty almost only 5 people in there no one paid attention to him which made Dean feel relieved no one followed him he didn't think he could survive yet another session with Meg's guards. He grabbed some candy and two magazines, only for the puzzle games. He handed the cashier the money walking out of the store to his car which was now full of gas. Things were certainly going Dean's way ,he yet still felt a sense of hopelessness in the back of his head. 

 

****************

 

Cas was getting tired its been 4 hours waiting for Dean. He was scared ,worried , and tired all at once.

Meg got a call on her landline.

"what do you mean he escaped!?" Meg yelled out into the phone 

"you are dead Jack" Meg said angirly hanging up the phone. She looked towards a curious Cas "your boyfriend's a bit smarter than i thought. He escaped two of my best men we can't find him they lost track after 400 miles away from the highways"

Cas didn't know how to react in any other way ,but anger. That was always his worse trait ; anger.

"you will pay for this" Cas said angirly shutting the door running towards his car. Heading home he needs to find Dean. it was like his mission in his mind. Cas was obssesive and obsession was what got him in this whole killing mess after all.

old memories rolled back to him as he drove the car his pressure rising up.

" _i i killed him, I didn't mean to kill him i just... he killed my mom"_

_He was standing over a body blood covering its face, beaten to death. That body was the man Cas called dad for 17 years of his life._

_"he hhe killed her! its all his fault its all his fault" Cas looked towards the mysterious female figure next to him. a smile crossed her lips._

_"he deserved to die Castiel Novak. Lets go now"_

_she pulled his hands into hers getting him out of the hospital back door. he trusted her._

 

the memory slipped away Cas got out of his car taking off to the front door unlocking it. his phone buzzed a small text was sent to  Cas

"i love you. thanks for everything." 

it was from Dean.

*********

Dean sent the message laying on the bed of a small motel he found he had a bottle of sleeping pills in his hands. He wasn't sure if he should do it. Last time he was this close to choosing to jusr die he thought of people he loved feeling an instant nees to keep on going, but now he felt hopeless life was draining out of him. Dean was a realistic sort of guy he always had a sense good stuff are bound to happen. He still did, he just wasn't sure if those good stuff were for him. Maybe this is what is good for  everybody else in just a matter of time Meg will get to people Dean love once she finds out she cant get to Cas by threatning him with Dean.

He took over his phone texting the number in his notes. He assumed it was Cas's. Just something he always knew.

It took him a few minutes of deep breath ,but Dean took in the contents of the bottle swallowing it down with alcohol he got. Dean laid his head to rest on the bed closing his eyes, just waiting.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**trigger warning : this chapter may be triggering on the object of ; self harm, suicide or depression so if you are easily triggered read at your own risk though i advice not to.**

 

Dean is begining to feel the drug kicking in taking him down he could feel his breath slow ultimately, he felt tightness around his chest. worry and anxiety were taking over him, he wasn't sure of his decision. it was too late to turn back now. He was almost quite sure no one will come to save him. He slowly gave in closing his eyes,

Dean was surprised to be met with a memory of when he was barely a child, before his mom died , and his dad became a shit head. He wasn't sure if it was hallucinations or actual memories he never accessed.

He was just a child being carried away by his loving mom. A stupid memory many would think but Dean's heart ached. he never imagined her so clearly before. Dean missed her he was barely 4 when she died ,but he missed her so much his chest tightened more thinking of her. He missed her he missed her blonde hair he misser everything about her He wanted to see her so bad again.

********

Cas knew Dean inside and out he knew this was like queue for him to walk in to save Dean again. Cas never felt more worried about a stupid text message ever. This could mean many things. He worryingly walked around the room in circles waiting for his computer to finish tracking down Dean's message. if it was a phone call it would have been much easier ,but Dean liked it the hard way. His computer finally finished .Dean was about 50 miles out of the city that was half an hour of driving. Cas picked up his keys he honestly lost track of how many times he ran to his car today. 

**********

Dean was sick of waiting when _will it happen ? how long does it even take ?_ well what he didn't know is that its been barely thirty minutes since he took the pills he was feeling all sorts of pain in his stomach and everywhere else he felt numb ,and tired he couldnt think straight. Dean couldn't even feel the sweat on his face pilling. _  
_

then it happened he began to fall to sleep just slowly it began to happen. He wasn't sure if he felt regret or relief.

*******

Cas wasn't sure about the location. All the map lead him to was a motel, a shitty one too. He sighed getting off his car slamming the door shut behind him. He walked away from the car entering the motel. he turned up to a small counter with an old man seated in. 

"excuse me?" Cas said lowering his voice looking towards the man who wss distracted with his magezine.

" _excuse me"_ he growled. 

"what!?" the man yelled out "you kids today need to learn some god damn patience !"

"did someone called Dean Winchester check in here ?" Cas said sighing.

"no" the old man bitterly said.

"can i see the list of people who checked in here today?" even for Dean, Cas didn't expect him to be in a level of obliviousness enough to use his own name. the man threw it at him getting back to his magezine. Cas would have loved to see him dead.

 

"there is only one guy here !" Cas read the only name on the list , it was Dean's uncles name, _nice one dean_ cas thought to himself Dean was in room 2 just acros the hall.

He walked away from the counter towards the room.

"dont hurt the dude in the room! he was good with tips" the man yelled out from a far.

**********

Dean felt asleep but awake. it was a weird feeling every part of his body was numb his breath was so slow he wasn't sure if he was gonna last any longer. 

Cas kicked the door open, then he saw Dean, his body almost lifeless and a bottle of pills in his left hand.

" _Dean!"_ Cas screamed out kicking the door shut behind him. he ran up to Dean putting two fingers over his neck. There was a pulse ,but it was weak. Cas knew what to do he was a meds student for over a year after all he had to learn something.

He quickly got water and salt from the sink and the small kitchen in the tiny motel room. He got back to Dean with the solution in his hands.

Cas laid an arm behind Dean's back supporting his weight. The solution was supposed to get him to throw up. He poured it to Dean's mouth 

"Dean please just swallow just please" Cas nervously said he wasn't sure if Dean could hear him anymore. just seeing that Dean would even think of suicide tore Cas to pieces.

Dean started coughing aggressively Cas quickly turned him over he just hoped the solution would get him to throw up enough to at least live. Cas couldn't call the police or drive Dean to the hospital he knew what would happen. They would drive Dean away from him eventually Meg would sell Cas out. Cas would get sentenced to jail. He couldn't risk that.

Dean did start throwing up the pills he took. He wasn't sure what was happening to him or who was holding him down getting him to throw up the pills ,but he was regaining some concious very little ,but he was coming back.

Cas felt some sort of relief when he began to feel Dean's heart beat fastening again. He turned Dean over pouring more solution to his mouth, made sure Dean swallowed then turned him over again. 

 

by sometime Dean threw up just enough for Cas to be reassured he may live. Cas knew lots of the topic of death other than studying meds he was after all someone who makes a living out of murdering innocents.

********

its been a while since Dean took the pills. He was asleep, of exhaustion Cas persumed. He laid next to Dean's body just tracing small circles around his back, Cas's mom did that to him when he was stressed back when she was alive. It was calming. 

*******

Dean woke up next to Cas 2 hours after.

"take it easy there" Cas quickly sprang up pushing Dean back to lay on his back.

Dean felt a force pushing him back.

"C-cas??"He was groggy ,could barely make out faces and voices.

"yes, its me" Cas was surprisingly calm.

"what did you do? why am i not dead?" Dean's voice was shakey Cas could hear pain behind it, it hurt him too.

"why would you even consider this a solution Dean?" Cas said.

"i have nothing to live for" Dean's voice was cold 

"Sam? your friends? for gods sake me !?" Cas yelled out.

"M-meg would just kill everyone i love she would tutore them to death if i was dea-" Dean was cut out.

"dont even complete that sentence, we made a deal to each other Dean. i raise you out of hell if you raise me" Cas took a breath " you cant raise me if you are dead neither can i" 

Dean was speechless he wasn't sure what to say his entire body hurt like hell. He couldn't think straight. Dean silently laid his head on Cas's lap. Cas just went back to tracing small circular movements on Dean's back. Maybe it made Dean calm ,but just having Dean within his eye sight ,and safety made Cas feel calmer.


	16. Chapter 16

they finally got home after a really long stressful day. Cas collapsed on the couch all the running and driving has actually got to him today, he asked Dean to stay ,but Dean wanted to be left alone , he didn't argue back Cas was too tired.

" i am not quite sure what to do anymore mom" Cas always talked to himself when he was alone, he liked to pretend his mom can hear him. "Dean tried to kill himself. Meg's all over my ass. I think people are finally on to me. I fucked up big time when i killed dad i should have stopped then and there! but I can't mom i just cant! he killed you he said so he laughed about it. it was just so too easy putting that knife through him and it gets easier everyday putting it through other people. _But when Dean came in just a few weeks ago it all got hard every timr i kill someone new i see his face and for once regret fills every part of me"_

Cas took a deep breath " _maybe it isn't too late to escape this Cas"_ he said thinking out loud.

"you are right it isn't" Dean said from the corner of the room Cas didn't even realize it.

"i thought you were in your room?" Cas said springing up.

"well not really, i was but i needed to change my clothes" Dean said walking uo to Cas taking a seat right next to him. "its not too late Cas, you can ditch Meg"

"i can't Dean you don't know her"

"but you do and you can stop her you are smart enough" Dean looked straight into Cas's eyes. 

" I can't risk her hurting you again" Cas stuttered out he  was to lost in Dean's features.

Dean leaned into Cas kissing him, Cas didn't pull back but gave in.

"you wont lose me Cas not anytime soon not ever, just do this one thing for me please" Dean said close to Cas.

Cas nodded, he heard him loud and clear this time he was going to do what Dean wanted.

 


	17. Chapter 17

"so how are we doing on this so far ?" Dean said leaning into Cas's side as he was reading a book.

"i got nothing that lead was bullshit" he threw the book to the end of the couch and burried his face in the palms of his hands. " i never realized how much i wanted the cast outs gone before you. how much I wanted them all away from you"

"don't worry i have my knight in shining armor to protect me, plus you" Dean smirked as Cas snorted.

"hey, talk. Cas?"

" i am making you promises i am not sure i can keep" 

"cas don-"

"i promised i'd protect you i promised i'd keep you safe i promised ill let you see Sam but i never kept any of those promises" Cas stared right in to Dean's eyes.

"that wasn't your fault it was Meg's" Dean announced 

"she is hiding she knows i am angry she knows i am coming for her" Cas said his voice crocky

"Cas we are the ones hiding." Dean sighed " she is 10 steps ahead of us we can do this we can get you redemption"

"by killing Meg? no. i am done i am not killing anymore"

"i never said we are killing Meg" Dean smirked as Cas looked confused he felt sorry Cas was barely 20 and all that he knew was death and destruction.

\-----------------------

"are the camera's installed in Cas's place?" Meg asked as she saw Charlie walk in.

"i-its not" Charlie said trembling. Meg loved her but what she loved more is getting stuff done.

"and why not?"

"they wouldn't let me through the gates! one of the guards tried to shoot me at sight i had to back." Charlie yelled out.

"very well, ill head to Cas tomorrow see what this shit is about" Meg said signing papers.

"thats it ? i am not gonna get punished ?" Charlie asked almost surprised 

Meg looked up to her "i wouldn't ever hurt you Charlie"

Charlie just sighed in relief walking out of the door.

"she bought it" Charlie said pressing the button in her ear buds

"see? i told you this'll work out just fine for us" Cas said through his own ear buds.

"i am not sure if this is right ?" Charlie said pausing her pace

"trust me, it is"


End file.
